Sake, Ramen, and an Odd Morning
by Kozga Nitt
Summary: A drabbleOOCcrack story, whatever you wanna call it. Just...yeah. GaaraxLeeGaaLee themes, Sakura, Naruto, Gai, and Sasuke, all squished in as well. If you at least read the note, you'll get out of me all you need to know, about the details. Enjoy...


(Note: This time I won't use the bold font anymore. I know, it's killer on the eyes. So I'll lay off, from now on. This little one-shot is an OOC, err. . .OCC. . .whatever you call those 'out-of-character'. . .Yeah, OOC. A friend and I did this in 'passing-note' form during class this past year, and I recently found it, and thought you guys might want a little 'WTF??' drabble. To let you know, this is a little random. Hello! We're talking me, and a really good friend of mine. We think alike, so, you might know what to expect. But, to let you know, my friend isn't a huge fan of GaaLee, and this also has a little hint of SakuGaa, so this won't be all that 'lovey-dovey, Gaara-sama, Lee-kun', Kay? CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM!)

[Special Thanks to: Sakuwave-kun

Rock Lee let the bottle fall from his hands as he let the last drop of its liquid hit his tongue. He giggled softly, leaning forward in front of the red-haired boy who gave him the bottle. The boy blinked, raising an unseen eyebrow. What had gotten into him all of a sudden? Lee giggled again, snorting as well, this time.

"Hiiiii, Gaara-samaaa. . ." the drunken boy slurred. Gaara wrinkled his nose. His breath was strong with alcohol. So, he had picked up a sake bottle, after all? He put a hand of Lee's shoulder, pushing the drunken boy back. Nothing. Lee stood his hold, not letting the red-haired boy push him backward a mere inch, yet not letting himself lean forward anymore. Lee stuck out a bright tongue and licked slowly up the side of Gaara's face, making loud sound effects, causing Gaara's eye to twitch freely with each inch the tongue moved. When Lee could tasted the demon host's sandy red hair, he let off, instead jamming his tongue in the boy's mouth. This time, Gaara's eyes widen, and he shoved back the boy's head, wiping his mouth off angrily. Lee stared blankly at the angry demon host, his tongue still wagging from his mouth.

"Whazzhe matter, Gaara-samaa. . .? I thought you liiike tongue. . ." Gaara threw a glare at Lee.

"I eat beef tongue, but I do not eat human tongue," he snarled, yet making Lee raise a thick eyebrow.

(Quick Note: This last paragraph is true. If you owned Naruto - Clash of Ninja 2, the video game, you'd know, if you've gotten Gaara's ninja profile. Sorry, just thought I'd get attacked by this paragraph. Continue.)

Suddenly, Sakura burst through the door of the room. Her mouth automatically dropped, seemingly from its hinges altogether. Gaara closed his eyes, wishing more than anything that he were away from both of them. Her eyes got wider and wider until they were nearly the size of Lee's. He threw a pointed finger at Gaara, and opened her mouth to say something, but no words would come out.

"G-Gaara!" she stuttered. The drunken Lee mouthed to her millions of things at once. The pink-haired girl shook her head, not understanding any of it. Lee blinked, staring from Gaara, to Sakura, to Gaara again, then back to Sakura, trying to process what was happening. Suddenly his eyes widened, and he made the same gesture to Sakura as the pink-haired girl had done to Gaara.

"S. . .Sakura-chaaaan! You've come! Come Gaaraaaa-san, let'sh rejoice!"

Sakura threw the black haired boy a nasty scowl, grabbing hold of Gaara's hand. Gaara furrowed unseen eyebrows, trying to play along to what Sakura was doing.

"What makes you think. . .He's mine, Lee! Gaara is _mine!_" The slurring Lee stood from where he was and hiccupped gently, putting on a determined expression. He pressed a balled up fist against his chest. If you were look at him from a certain angle, we would look very powerful. Lee took a deep breath.

"Now hoooold on, Sakura-chaan. . .he hasssh no collar! . . .And therefore. . .he is not yourrrs! And. . .I will prove. . . -hic- it to you. . .We shall fight!"

Sakura released the grip on Gaara's hand, and placed it on her hip. A smirk played upon her lips. She nodded.

"Okay, Lee. Choose someone you wish to fight with, and he will have to face who I choose. Is this a deal?" Lee tipped forward, bobbing his head.

"I choose. . .Gaaai-sensei!!"

[Gai poofs in from of Lee, falling gracefully into his pose. Both teacher and student become teary-eyed, and Gai shares a quick speak of youth to his pupil.

"Alright. I choose Sasuke-kun!"

[Sasuke poofs in from of Sakura, crossing his arms and glaring at the ground, like the 'tough guy' he is. Sakura blushes madly and hops up and down.

[Yes, something will become of Gaara, but that is spoiler material, so you'll just have to read/skim over the rest of this crap.

[A bell sounds, out of nowhere, and the match between whom gets the Shukaku host, Gaara.

Gai charged forward mid seconds after the bell tolled, his arm aimed back for a powerful punch. Sasuke whipped out a kunai, and stood his ground. As Gai's fist met its mark, his face flattened. There was a puff of smoke, and a log stood in the place of Sasuke.

'Substitution Technique,' Gai thought. He waited patiently, not turning around, or trying to locate his opponent. He just waited patiently. Sakura and Lee, however, floundered around, looking for where Sasuke had appeared.

". . .Sasuke-kun? Where are you?" Sakura called into the air, but in vain. There was no answer, until Gai came to life. He jerked a hand behind him, grabbing the Uchiha by the wrist, who had just appeared behind him. He threw him over his shoulder. Sasuke clumsily landed on the ground, yards away.

"Not a bad try, but I'm not like Kakashi, aye, Sasuke? Is my old rival training you well enough? If, not, you know you can always stay and train with my team. I'm stronger than Kakashi." Sasuke threw a glare at the Green Beast, but then sighed and stood. He dropped his kunai in front of him, and turned, walking away from his opponent.

"Why in the hell am I doing this in the first place? I'm out of here." Sakura frowned, wanting to chase after her crush, but knew that his mind was made up. She had been defeated.

[Gai disappears in a puff of smoke. The winner is Rock Lee.

Lee's blurry eyes became teary, and he punched the air, shouting cheerfully, "Gaaaai-senseii, yataa! You did it!! Gaara-saama's mine!!" The drunken master turned to claim his prize, only to find an empty spot in front of a sulking Sakura. Lee blinked, trying to figure out what was going on. Gaara was suppose to be in the exact spot where he had last seen him, but, as Lee looked around, he couldn't see where he prize was. His eyes widened, and he dashed off clumsily in search for his Gaara.

"Don't worrrry, Gaara-saamaa, I'm comingg!!"

BreaK.

Naruto opened one crust-lined eye, glaring into the morning light, trying to drive it away. It couldn't be morning already! He heaved a large sigh, trying to make an effort to wake up. His muscles came to life just enough to raise him up in bed. He opened his other eye and took a moment to stare around his room a bit. He had trained hard yesterday. He must've used his Kage Bunshiin no Jutsu to the absolute limit of his chakra, making all of those shadow clones. Kakashi-sensei had been on a mission, and he wouldn't be able to train with anyone that day, so he used himself.

"Ramen. . ." were his first words of the day, as he heavily ripped off his nightcap, and stumbled for the kitchen. He opened a cabinet that held his stash, and sighed. Which flavor to choose?

"Miso pork. . .miso pork. . .miso pork. . .where the hell. . .?" His eyes widened as he began pushing instant ramen cups aside, looking for his pork-flavored noodles. "Pork. . .Pork. Pork. Pork! Where is it, Dattebayo!?" He stretched his hand back in the cabinet, determined to find what he was looking for. "Miso pork noodles, dattebayo! Where in the hell is it!? I know I have some in here!" He stopped suddenly, a smile spreading across his face. He brought out a cup labeled 'Instant Ramen: Pork'.

"Yatta!! Alright! I knew I had some in there!"

AnotheR SlighT BreaK.

Naruto sat, staring into the microwave door, all of his previous emotions drained from his face.

"Three minutes. . .why. . .? Why does it have to be. . .three. . .whole. . .minutes. . .?" He stared into the digital numbers as they slowly counted down the time remaining for Naruto's ramen cup.

10. . .9. . .8. . .7. . .6. . .

Naruto's eyes got wider with each second. He waited, impatiently as ever, for the hint of a BEEP, signaling that it was finally time to eat.

4. . .3. . .2. . .1. . .

BEEEEEEEEEEEP!!

Naruto nearly jumped from where he stood, and jerked open the door of the microwave, grabbing hold of the burning hot cup. He fought back the pain and rushed to the table, grabbing a pair of chopsticks and a quart of milk to wash it all down. He ripped open the lid of the cup, and dug his chopsticks into the simmering noodles. Finally! He could eat, and get on with the day!

Suddenly he heard a vicious knock at the door. The excitement in his face drained, being replaced by pure rage.

"Who in the hell could want me at _this_ hour!?" he nearly screamed to himself as he stormed to the door and swung it open. Gaara of the Desert stood at his doorway, looking as if he had been running, by the way he was panting. Naruto was in complete shock. He wasn't prepared for any guests, much less Gaara, since the guy didn't seem to get out much. He floundered around in his mind for the right words. What if Gaara were here to take revenge on him, since their last battle during the chuunin exams?

"Gaara! What the. . .Why are you all the way over here? Aren't you. . .Suna. . .but. . ." Gaara raised a hand to silence him, bending over and clutching at his knee with the other, trying to catch his breath. His head raised, after about a minute, so he could gaze threateningly into the Nine-Tailed's eyes, still panting slightly.

"You are. . .the strongest of those. . .whom I have seen. . .for you to be. . .merely as old as I am. . ." Gaara said heavily. He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. He was better now. He straighted up to look at him more straight this time.

[He's referring to that battle that happened in Episode 75, 76, 77, somewhere around and through there, when Shukaku's true form's revealed. And for those of you who don't happen to watch the anime, it's what's currently happening in This past June issue of English Shonen Jump. Yeah, just so you'd be able to pick up on what he said here.

"I need to be hidden. Anywhere that no-one will find me." Naruto closed his eyes and raised a lazy eyebrow.

"You playing a game of Hide n' Seek, or something?"

"Rock Lee. . .I'm not sure how. . .but he gained possession of a sake bottle, and wolfed it's content down. He is now in a drunken frenzy. He thinks that I am his man, so to speak. Meanwhile, Sakura, she has also claimed that I am hers. They've fought over me, well. . .not them, exactly, Rock Lee's sensei, and Uchiha Sasuke fought in their place. I was able to sneak away while they were distracted by the battle, and came here for help. Please. . .you must hide me. Either of them could be here at any time, looking for me."

"Fuzzy Eyebrows. . .?"

Naruto wrinkled his nose at the situation. He didn't _want_ to know how Lee got hold of a sake bottle. Or how Sakura came into the picture as well. He looked over his shoulder, searching for anywhere. . .anywhere, to. . .

"Yeah, I'll hide you."

He grabbed the anxious sand ninja by the wrist, and rushed him into his small house. He put a finger to his chin, staring thoughtfully at Gaara's gourd.

"First, I'll have to ask you to take that thing off. That'll take up a lot of space, if you're hiding, I know."

Gaara obeyed, letting his sand barrier hit the floor with a muffled thud. But Naruto's finger didn't leave his chin. He looked into his room, debating many things in his mind, leaving Gaara to grow more impatient and panicky by the second. He blinked, staring, again, at Gaara's gourd.

"Okay," he finally said, "Gaara, I want you to hide in my closet. I'll take your gourd. I know the perfect spot to hide it. I saw that your gourd is made of sand, when you fought Fuzzy Eyebrows in the chuunin exams. Can it still do that?"

Gaara nodded.

"Well, we can stick the gourd in one of the bags that I keep supplies in, here in the kitchen." He pointed to a heap of leather bags that were some, half full, some, ready to burst. "I have tons of 'em! On your command, the gourd will shatter into sand, and it'll look like any of my other bags." Naruto scurried over and picked up an empty bag. He held it open, ready, and Gaara slid it snugly inside. Then Gaara made the Tiger and Ram signs with his hands.

"Tora. . .Hitsuji. . ." He raised a hand out in front of the bulking object, and it crumbled, like an old pottery jar. Naruto grinned brightly. His idea worked! If you laid it with the other bags, it would look like the rest of them. He tied the bag in a loose knot, and did just that.

"Okay," the blonde boy exclaimed. "Now, to hide you. I don't think the closet would be the best place. I think the bed would." Gaara hesitated.

"Why do you think this?" he asked slowly. He was, once again, grabbed by the wrist, and dragged into Naruto's room. It was quite small, but he believed it was still homey enough for the boy. Naruto pointed with his free hand to the closet.

"That's the first place someone would try to look, in a closet. But the bed, it's a little more difficult, but it's better. If you're still enough, even I wouldn't notice you there. Here, ball up in these sheets. I'll do the rest." Gaara raised an unseen eyebrow. Ball up? He was to just ball up in a wad of sheets? He reluctantly accepted the sheets and almost fell onto the bed, covering himself in the sheets and curling into the smallest ball he could manage without cutting off his breathing. He could feel Naruto tugging and pulling at random ends of the sheet, making it look as if he'd left them that way when he woke up. When the tugging stopped, Gaara shifted, making Naruto nearly jump.

"Relax, Gaara, Dattebayo! Just lie like that for about an hour or so, and you'll be fine. I have a ramen cup to eat, so I'll leave you here. But I have to leave soon, so when I do, I'll leave my spare key inside, on the right side of my microwave. You got all that?" Silence. Naruto opened his mouth to repeat himself.

"Fine," came Gaara's short, rugged answer, from under the sheets. With that, Naruto's footsteps faded into another room, and he closed the door, leaving only a small crack, leaving Sabaku no Gaara in the silence of Naruto's small room.

Naruto grabbed the backboard of his chair, pulling it out. _Finally_! Ramen! He stirred the noodles a bit with his chopstick, trying to cool it off a little. Once he had stirred it to his content, he brought a large wad of the noodles to his lips. He inhaled, cherishing the weak scent of Bar-B-Q that drifted from the cup.

More damned knocking. This time it was slow, polite, yet lazy. Naruto's eye twitched in anger. Who in the. . .? He slammed his chopsticks down on the table, noodles flying from the cup. He stood swiftly and nearly tore the door handle from it's hole, opening the door. Rock Lee stood, swaying slightly, a mildly worried look on his face.

"Naruto-kun!"

". . .Yeah? What is it, Fuzzy Eyebrows?"

Lee lowered his head slightly and smiled.

"Did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning? I need to ask a favour of you." He walked past the seething blonde, entering his kitchen.

"Again, yeah? I'm in the middle of breakfast, you know." Naruto could just point out light patches of salmon blush on the Young Lotus' cheeks. He wasn't nearly as drunk as Gaara had made it sound like. Maybe all of that running to find him made Lee's drunkenness fade a little. He was certainly speaking correctly, at least.

"I apologize, Naruto-kun. I am looking for Gaara. Has he past your house lately. . .?" Naruto shook his head.

"Nope. And if he did, he would have probably left by now." Lee stood still, his head down. Naruto wondered what might've been going through the older boy's mind. Lee suddenly spun around, as if he were about to attack. He held a fist inches away from Naruto's face.

"Whaddaya meeean, 'If he did'!? He miiight've crawled in through your wiiiindooow!! That's why I told you, Iiii'm checking your rooom!" Naruto blinked. He took back what he thought before. Lee's drunkenness hadn't faded a bit. He was just bottling it up. Lee stormed into Naruto's room, and instantly opened his closet. Naruto sneered, just soft enough that Lee's dulled ears could pick up on. He was right. If Gaara had hidden in the closet, he'd be done for already. 'You should be rather grateful that I played hide n' seek a lot in my childhood,' He said mentally to the red-head under his sheets. He heard the drunken Lee hiss.

"Not there." he slurred. Naruto turned to go back into the kitchen.

"Well, search all ya want, Fuzzy Eyebrows. I have breakfast to eat."

Finally, after much impatient waiting, Naruto had begun to eat. It was worth it, by the way the noodles tasted. He giggled to himself as he took the first great, big mouth-full.

Suddenly he heard a thud, from his room. He cocked his head in the direction of the noise, and found an astonished Gaara, tangled in sheets, hands pinned above his head, staring into the eyes of his captor. Lee's nose was barely touching the one's under him. A smile of success pasted onto Lee's face, his eyes becoming lazily hasty.

"I found you, Gaara-samaaa. . ." he whispered, making the red-head shudder, bracing himself for what was to come. Lee made the gesture of grinding down on the one below him, and that's the last thing Naruto saw before he jerked his head in another direction. He stood slowly, and walked to shut his door, looking down at the floor the entire time. He was going to finish his ramen, _without_ a sight like that interrupting him. The rest of his breakfast time was in silence, only broken by the muffled cries and moans coming from inside his room. Each time a sound effect like that would come tearing through the peaceful kitchen, Naruto would keep thinking to himself, 'I'm not gonna be able to sleep in that room comfortably for a _long_ time.'

Once there was no more soup in his cup, Naruto hesitated in standing. He still needed his clothes. What was he going to do? Saunter in, as if nothing was happening at all, grab his clothes, start dressing, and maybe, just maybe, get stuck between the affair happening with those two? Naruto shivered at the thought of it. But he wasn't going to go training in his pajamas, was he? He sighed heavily, and crept to his room, knocking lightly on the door. The noise subsided for a moment. Naruto put his mouth close to the door.

"Uh. . .Lee. . .or. . .either of you, really. . .can you, uh. . .hand me my daily outfit. . .from my closet. . .?" There was the sound of heavy feet walking across the room, and a door opening and closing. Finally the door opened, a drenched hand and arm holding out Naruto's bright orange suit, on a hanger. Naruto accepted the hanger awkwardly, and the door closed.

"D. . .D-Domo. . .Thanks. . ."

Naruto changed into his suit, a new sound adjoining the other in his room. Gaara's sand was now growling softly in its bag, wanting more that ever to get out. It rumbled and shook the bag, making it look as if it were about to spiral out at any given time. But it never did.

Naruto grabbed his headband, which he didn't happen to keep in his room, thank goodness, and started out the door. 'Hope Gaara still remembers that key.' He said, laying the spare where he had told Gaara it was. As soon as he opened the door, Sakura burst into him, knocking both of them down. Sakura immediately bolted back to her feet.

"NARUTO!!" she shouted, throwing him a finger. "Have you seen Lee, or ever Gaara, around? I have to find Gaara before he does!" Naruto put on a face that you would usually find on Shikamaru's.

"Listen. You think you won?" Sakura's jaw hung open as she began to hear the erotic sounds coming from inside Naruto's room. Sakura sighed irritably, and stormed from the doorway, leaving Naruto still lying on the floor. He stood, and followed Sakura's suit, but heading toward the training grounds. This was_ not_ what he expected his morning to be like.

(Well, that's a small glimpse into what friends of mine, and I, do during class almost every day. Either way, in advance, for those of you, who are reading 'Exactly what You'd Expect', I _am_ continuing that series. I just found this, and REALLY wanted to go ahead and post this up. Hope it was still almost as good, considering it's a little out-o'-character.)

OUT

-Kozga Nitt


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